Tory's Toxic Brandon

Before, I embark on pulling the cotton wool out of you, Brandon Lewis; I’d like to say it was an honest mistake made by my keyboard in fast-moving circumstances. I write a fair amount under fast-moving circumstances and every-so-often my keyboard goes off on a tangent without my knowledge.

Hopefully, you’ll accept my apology; because I don’t want a reply claiming it wasn’t honest or a mistake… keyboards don’t randomly write stuff of their own accord; we all know this happens... prime example the fast-moving random key tapping of rubbish from the ‘Daily Mail’ --- In true, odious fashion you can be assured I won’t intervene or correct any honest mistakes duly of the notion working under a fast-moving conditions forbids competency; as you know Brandon Lewis.

Dare I say it, unlike Laura Kuenssberg who tweeted in Lewis’s defence; Whitehall source says ‘we honoured the Labour pairs – this was an honest mistake and wouldn’t have made a difference to the result.’  The night before those vital votes… Andrea Leadsom on ‘Newsnight’ gave her and The Conservative’s word that pairing will take place… being a body language expert I knew this was a lie and time and time again she engineered fabrications; I added the discrepancy to a long list of incompetence and untruths. Put it this way, the list looks like Elton John’s coming out… again party guest-list from the yuppy 1980s.  This is a crime of fast-moving total incompetence. Something the Tory-Sharp-Shouter-Kuenssberg can gloss over for it only breaches parliamentary rules and regulations, ‘nothing serious’ --  the chaos was signified by a Chief Whip Julian Smith who stated the obvious: Lewis was asked to Vote in error; as if this resolves the issue - but cloth-eared Lewis knew he should wave his vote after being paired with Jo Swinson.

This subsequently galvanised Jo Swinson, while heavily pregnant she had to send electronic communications airing on the ire, saying; “neither honest nor a mistake;” demonstrated how Brandon Lewis views women and the gestation period -- absolutely zero respect to the biological plight of women. Brandon Lewis, your cuddly, human size koala bear clumsiness proves to me you’re full of carpet fluff from neck up and cotton-wool from neck down. Ye-s, you’re unfit for office and deserve to be moth-eaten in a toy cupboard.  Letting you out into the wider community is surely a risk and of course you didn’t disappoint – I am referring to an ‘equal opportunity’ tweet: ‘I want to make sure we’re the party of equal opportunity.’ I can imagine Jo Swinson choked into her mug of Horlicks at 2.53 AM when she read those delusional words, ‘equal opportunity?’ – There’s nothing remotely equal about your opportunistic voting antics - action speaks louder than a superfluous tweet.

I particularly appreciate the pink tinge on your complexion Brandon Lewis, if your social media followers weren’t convinced that you were advocating equal opportunity, I am certain the added pink did the trick;  albeit, don’t rely on a tri-tone graphic enhancer next time.. Consider chucking your moth-eaten self into a washing machine with a red sock and turn it onto forty degrees for a mix wash, that’ll do it.  While reading your speech, Brandon Lewis, I found myself racking my brains from the first paragraph: who the heck are Victoria and Helena? They’ve made an enormous contribution to public life in this country, alas, I’ve not heard of them. Is this another case of pairing gone wrong…?  Were you expecting Victoria Beckham and Helena Bonham Carter to pinch your koala jowls and pout for the photographers?

Indeed, ‘politics works best when it is representative of the communities it serves’ – although, I can imagine Jo Swinson choked into her mug of Horlicks at 3.08 AM when she read that delusional sentence from your speech.  The irony is, isn’t it the job of the Party Chairman to abide by parliament practices, henceforth, enable a representative of a community to serve their community. Why you owe Jo Swinson a Vote on your behalf, i.e. say the Final Brexit deal, that’ll even out the non-democratic shambles we have at present.  To clarify, by Lewis’s own admission, politics works best when a representative *can serve their constituency* -- Swinson as it stands couldn’t, Lewis removed that right, by default.  I’ll say there’s a total breakdown of certitude in UK politics on your watch Brandon Lewis as Party Chairman. Meaning there’s significant ramifications for this remainder of the parliament; under the basic rule: Respect, is deemed foiled and questionable at best and this alone breaches the constitution.

Again talk is cheap when it comes to the gender pay gap, so by boasting it is at the lowest level on record; this is an invalid statement of the simple notion the pay gap is not of a binary status across the spectrum. Furthermore, this is patronising to working women who know this and experience the pay gap debacle at first-hand.  At least adopt the Iceland model by asking corporations to prove female / male pay equality - this can easily be achieved by introducing more aggressive pay gap reforms under the Equality Act (2010).

Brandon Lewis’s ridiculous comment that equal opportunity is just the start for the Tories; the EOC was set up under the Sex Discrimination Act (1975) – Notably, on the watch of a Labour administration. Another odious comment that there’s a particular challenge for MPs who have to vote whilst on parental leave… Where’s the challenge, there’s a simple process in place? And this is where it gets interesting…  Brandon Lewis then said this: “When mistakes are made it’s not good enough… That is why I apologised to Jo Swinson. I didn’t know that I was paired with her.”  I can prove your deception Brandon Lewis. Jo Swinson wrote on ‘Twitter’ – ‘This is calculated, deliberate breaking of trust by government whips to win at all costs.’ She then continues to comment which proves Lewis’s deception. ‘Brandon abstained in afternoon divisions, but voted in the two crunch votes after 6PM. There’s a word for it – cheating.’  Surely, if Brandon Lewis *abstained in afternoon divisions* he was aware of his pairing with Jo Swinson.

Evidence that Lewis knew about the pairing - see 'abstained' in afternoon divisions

Here’s the paradox, recently, Brandon Lewis wrote in the Daily Mail about Jeremy Corbyn. ‘How much longer is the party going to put with a leader who obfuscates about his past …..  Refuses to be accountable for his actions…’  By this moral standard and self-admission Brandon Lewis, I expect to read your Party Chairman Resignation letter. Overall, this’ll help us create a country that works for everyone because politics works best when MPs are not cheating the system and being disingenuous.