President of the European Commission’s Letter to Johnson


Monsieur Boris,

I’m responding to the five point clause in the UK’s PM letter dated; 02/10/19 concerning the Irish ‘backstop’ and suggested alternatives with a few weeks to go until -- 31/10/19; I write unequivocally in response in the same bravura I read the correspondence. For the art of courtesy, I continue this jolly-old-fiasco that’s in-keeping with the UK PM's demeanour. Without really saying, I am altogether invigorated at the progress the UK is making in providing the validity that the EU is dealing with a crowd-pleasing act which belongs in Billy Smart’s circus.

To cut to the Tom & Jerry chase… the proposal isn’t something we could possibly support as part of any final deal. I’d refer to our telephone exchange whereby we came to a verbal consensus a Brexit plan has to be fit for purpose to be taken seriously determined via the state of the union and the UK’s unwritten constitution. Both parties had the gentility to abide by such rules and the EU did give the UK longer than 30 days to arrive to a proposal; unfortunately the hours and days weren’t used wisely to fulfil something of credence.

Of course, Number Ten were avidly keen on what the EU27 think about the Billy Smart circus performance as far, ‘how are you finding it, do you have any suggestions…?’ This isn’t a time for a Simon Cowell appraisal regardless of brevity and now the Prime Minister has underlined the definition of I’d rather ‘die in a ditch than ask for an article 50 extension…’ by being forced to ask for an extension. Each of the EU27 members felt it was only correct to contact a florist at this sad time. And as Westminster insider, and Spectator contributor James Forsyth claims, the UK position is brinkmanship and betokens their election campaign, not that there’s a General Election. On a Pascal Lamy front, I think a WTO tariff nation who barters on about brokering deals who’ll be enforced to add admin and export duties is a profound non-negotiating position for member states to pontificate; why they’re happy to be at the back of the queue – awaiting Britain’s protectionist implosion.

Anything titled: A Fair and Reasonable Compromise, usually means the opposite --- as a rule such mantra fills the EU’s negotiating team which is working to protect our 27 state philosophy with a stiffer cement– you might as well send Brussels Van Gogh’s earlobe with a love letter explaining how glorious it has been being part of this peace mission that’s made our continent brimming with prosperity and culture - a fair and reasonable conciliation indeed. Notably the ‘backstop’ isn’t a bridge to nowhere it’s a passage to respecting peace in the region without threatening a hard border or digging a 310 mile ditch.

As Turkey threatens the EU with opening up the gates to 3.5 million Syrian refugees, I notice there’s a fine line between rhetoric and impracticality, eventually the bottle is empty and you’re left with the thick head of overly speculating over a decent lunch. What is profound is the Isolationist’s mantra is anti-British, an elected parliament votes for the Benn Act (2019); keen followers of self-destruction flood the interactive threads by seasoning the term: treachery. Europe looks on with aghast with what Blighty has unleashed through constitutional dysfunction. And furthermore, repeating the failure of the Withdrawal Technicality Draft through the House of Commons has no dwelling on the EU’s position, so why tactically create a blatant blame game, devised to stir the natives.

Remember the EU isn’t sovereign and the UK has a sovereign parliament, overriding any decision the EU agrees to – hence, meaning the impasse starts and ends with the UK being a divided nation. Herewith, the EU Parliament waits for movement on par to a Gastroenterologist, the opposite to Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Although, the EU27 believe that typhoid and Nigel Farage come from the same place, without sounding like a hypochondriac, there’s societal contamination of some kind; so always best to disinfect every lunch-time. You can’t blame me.

Particularly enjoyed the joke about electronic good surveillance, in your letter, to resolve the NI/Irish border fiasco within weeks of the deadline – claiming that with flexible and creative innovation will eliminate the need of a backstop (our insurance guideline). Here’s my advice…Save that for an after dinner speech or a thirty year old birthday party Mr. Johnson, it’ll get a hoot from your audience, especially those offering ‘surveillance technology lectures’ in hotel suites. The ‘Yellowhammer report’ by UK’s risk assessor is the evil uncle in a ‘Mills & Boon’ love story, about summer loving in June 2016; it happened so fast - met an Isolationist ideology as cute as can be.

Now we’re entering the winter blunderland; you lose an hour monsieur Johnson. You’re forced to count all the UK’s administrations’ own goals, too many to count; presumably another Her Majesty’s Department has to be created. Now the PM is seeking an extension in all circumstances as the clock ticks five to twelve – I believe our dear friend, Charles Perrault wrote the classic. Now you’re running about in search for an ugly sister you rejected not so long ago. Any heel, sorry deal will do.  I, try not to laugh at the primal hubris.

Lastly, in your letter you claim you accept rules by a differing parliamentary entity; this begs the question… you are aware that the UK has MEPs marooned on our parliament seats like seals basking in the sun; armed with vetoes and a microphone, all expenses paid? The UK was a founding Father of this great union. Then I read that the UK proposes that the Northern Ireland Assembly should have the opportunity to endorse ‘arrangements’ before they enter into force. But Stormont doesn’t exist! How do these so-called ‘arrangements’ get endorsed in Northern Ireland and frequently, every four years? Collective consent necessitates assurances without them the ‘arrangements’ will collapse. To ascertain this is a fair and reasonable compromise is about effective as erecting a giant wooden rabbit in Number Ten’s rose garden expecting it to eat dandelion leaves.

I am copying this letter and paper to other members of the European Council and to Michel Barnier

Yours ever,

Jean-Claude Juncker

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