Meet Cleverly

The people have spoken: we must get on with Brexit,’ seems a plausible title for a Brexit orientated prose, three years ago.  However, the newly appointed Brexit Minister, James Cleverly published it in the ‘Sunday Express’ two day after March 29^th 2019; the day the UK was supposed to leave the EU28 Bloc. 

You may ask yourself, ‘isn’t this a smidgen too late?’ Indeed, the main problem I have is the innate necessity to clarify EUREF2016 took place, as if UK/ EU negotiations aren’t enough to quantify getting on with Brexit.  Cleverly is really like a dog with a bone, panting uncontrollably getting obsessive with his Brexit, chasing after imaginary Brexits and then stop and wondered where they all went.

Now Cleverly is chasing May’s version of Brexit, and has been promptly rewarded with a Brexit treat. For the record, loyalty of his owner is admirable; he even supported ex-PM David Cameron in securing a new deal with the EU pre-European Referendum duly as no-one else could’ve done a better deal, (haven’t we heard that one before?). Why Cleverly made himself very clear...  by doing the complete opposite and will be supporting Vote Leave’s campaign, a tough one for one so devoted. He bravely claimed the decision It may feel like a thorn in the paw (or stone in the shoe) and could be reported as disloyal --- but in his view the PM would benefit for there to be a credible and active Vote Leave campaign to run-a-long the government’s ‘Remain’ campaign. Two campaigns running in Hyde Park happily together - that’s companionship, that’s true love.

Cleverly’s principles in regards to a ‘protectionist EU’ was commendable, because the EU keeps poor farmers poor in Africa. Very different to the UK’s foreign aid intention of 0.7% annual GDP - yes, correctly the UK cares about the developing world and wants to see prosperity everywhere - why he was Pro-Brexit in the knowledge the EU sustains poverty in these regions.  Reason why trade tariffs are non-existent for African nations affiliated with the EU.  Naturally, Cleverly is aware of these tariff-free-zones, alas, it fails to fit into his self-professed prophecy. Y’see he barks loudly and incoherently at an imaginary object, when he’s told that the EU has special schemes with the majority of African nations, meaning they’re able to trade without the burden of EU-Bloc tariffs - rendering his ‘protectionist EU’ label redundant.

Non-Brexit theorems were always something to pontificate over for James, never to actually do anything about. I say this of the premise his so-called involvement with ‘Vote Leave’ would be anecdotally deemed as a hedgehog in a rectangle garden for a King Charles spaniel to get excited over, woofing uncontrollably. Yes, ‘Vote Leave’ was going to have the media boost that neither Labour nor UKIP deserved. Barking mad prophecy indeed looking back, however, Cleverly didn’t see those pesky, incriminating needles. Every so often he dreamt of those far off farmers impoverished by those illusory EU isolationist values in food, keeping the African farmers humble. 

Today, what’s increasingly apparent is the electorate is ahead of the game according to Cleverly, now a wiser dog, he denotes the national mood as being totally exasperated with the whole process. Getting irked with parliamentary procedures and playing politics with decisions that affect people’s lives, duly of the notion nine years of austerity doesn’t affect people’s lives, so long they’ve a dog’s kennel, a bowl of water and can’t read the Withdrawal Agreement, all is fine and dandy.  By definition politics affects everyone, including lives and playing politics with the electorate’s well being is the worst thing one can do. Why the Conservative Headquarters voted Cleverly as ‘Best Politician on Social Media 2018.’

Quite a feat, indeed Cleverly mastered the art of playing politics by taking the fight to the other-side, championing his own causes and values and done so with undeniable gamesmanship i.e. wittiness. Remarkably he got 45% of the entire vote across parliament… playing political games online. Something he accuses Labour of when they voted down Blighty being a vassal state to the EU by a record breaking 230 votes. His hapless playing politics bark about Labour risking Brexit and injecting more uncertainty into our country’s future and politics is merely a dog whistle for a feline; it won’t work -- call it healthy and effective Opposition; no different to when he buttressed the ‘Vote Leave’ campaign that ran buoyantly alongside Cameron’s ‘Remain’ campaign. But, that was ‘beneficial’!

Oddly, Cleverly announced that he could hear the sirens calls of Tommy ‘4Names’ Robinson and his followers and none of us should give him further excuses to sprout off his vile rhetoric. Strange because Brexit’s isolationism legitimises the far right voice, gives Robinson and his ‘fella-ship’ oxygen to recruit meatheads that believe that a sign of patriotism is a union jack tattoo on the scrotum. No pain, no gain!  They’re indoctrinated with the fascist ideology, the very same ideology he wants Labour to vote for to allow Brexit to propagate.  These aren’t angry people, they’re ferocious dogs who’re calling for a revolution; of course with you being a dog Cleverly it’s pointless trying to teach an old dog new tricks. Yep, you claim to have concerns with the ‘backstop,’ albeit, you’re assured we won’t get there, and not a trap... on what intellectual platform exactly? The UK has a six month Art50 extension till Halloween, it was impossible to envisage that even two weeks ago.  

Credibility is non-existent and I’m being polite, appeasing the fascist’s demands has a political price and as you’ve played so candidly, history will judge you and fellow Brexiters harshly and with disdain. Loyalty at this stage is no friend; the die is cast, by stating on every opportunity you voted for the most despised agreement in politics -- The get-out-clause being to simply respect the outcome of EUREF2016 which has no bearing to what 17.4 mn actually voted for.  A sense of reality is much called for, why we need a plethora of extensions to fully compute the magnitude of how bad the Brexit animal is. The true price of mollifying the ‘will of the people’ driven by the manic far right, drunk on delusions, dottily home-brewed in 2016. 

Silly-billy, blame Brexit fatigue, I’m now talking to a dog… and not ‘Cleverly.’