Doctors have always said to me, try and de-stress and do something out of the ordinary to cheer yourself up, it’ll do wonders for your health. Why I read governmental doctrines and write this material for a lowly housewife in Swindon to bark at her husband when he comes home after a day staring at numbers. To add spice to Bercow’s vocal outbursts, imagine having to converse and entertain Bercow’s wife Sarah for any length of time… entrapped in a marital contract whereby only one plays by the rules. In the head of Bercow is a mesh of ponderous muses, abstract visuals of yesteryear’s eye-wandering dalliances and of course, the sizable issue of his height. Long-leg wives are empowered by those who walk the Westminster corridors in seventeenth century gear; alas for Bercow he just sees his deficient shadow entering the chamber, to compensate on size, he elongates his clumpy strides; John Wayne would look down at this spectacle with pride.
Once a bruiser always a bruiser, size dictates and Bercow while working up the ladder of achievement it cemented his style, furthermore an animated John wouldn’t be John without a spontaneous leave of his senses and as always he’s on the cusp of heightened stress permanently. Odiously Black Rod doesn’t see the twinkle in his tear-duct to truly see the angst beneath the mask. Naturally this isn’t in the job description but you can gather all it required was a little word in John’s ear to be reassured he wasn’t bullying; perhaps Bercow deemed it as a character-building lesson. When you work closely with the Speaker of the House you’ll expect a mild-mannered tête-à-tête of the premise you’re known as ‘Black Rod.’ Instead Mr Leaky the ex-Black Rod decided to come forward after hearing that others had experienced bullying from Bercow. He got his black rod specifically out to stir you’d have thought, however Mr. Leakey’s account seems very plausible: no-one goes to work to witness ‘red mist’ descending over a colleague during a discussion about seating arrangements at the Commons. Notably, it transpires Bercow took offence to the arrangements which involved a high profile visitor being within his vicinity. John Bercow raised his hands a sharply banged the table as if a two year old demanded some pudding without finishing off his broccoli first. Regretfully profanities turned the air blue and Mr Leakey took them to heart; the term anti-Semite in particular deflated his black rod etiquette. Apologies were made although I quite understand why Bercow went into a fit of rage… Angelina Jolie had just split from Brad Pitt and Bercow craved the opportunity to sit beside her and teach her the origins of Black Rod; surely Big John deserved a taste of Croft Original.
His bad manners or dissent could’ve been misconstrued as properties from the political ‘Left’ – several misapprehensions arise from a singular misapprehension and for the record there’s an ubiquitous reluctance to criticise valid wisdom even in the heat of angst. Why Black Rod left his position before gifting Newsnight an interview this week on Bercow’s alleged bullying, how generous – curiously this underlines the ease in which our civil servants can overnight be ‘whistleblowers’ – knowledgeable in king toppling. John Bercow’s prestige privileges effectively can be wiped off tomorrow because sometimes even the contaminated label of being an alleged bully can destroy a position of public office - Unlike in the early eighties when US President Ronald Reagan state affairs warranted a so-called authoritarian of honour to report on Reagan’s back passage. An epoch that correctly didn’t want any old Tom, Dick or Harry to publically talk about private matters; these days it’s quite ordinary for the news to come from mobile phone footage or a candid comment from ‘Cambridge Analytica,’ posed as Mary Jodie-Harrow on Facebook. You could ask yourself by what right? There’s a quest of judgement, to topple the king – adjudicated by a critic who may or may not be adorning to a power or an assessment – any validation is merely self-orientated. Black Rod probably has entered the realm of dissident now that he’s escaped the anal retentive laws and rituals of seventeenth century paraphernalia. He’s now a ‘WikiLeakey’ of abusive practices which at the time was personally ‘water off a duck’s back;’ others may not have the fortuitous option of having a feathered spine. Bercow’s barks terrified colleagues for it’s not professional in public life only in private dressed as one of the ‘101 Dalmatians.’
Another former civil servant namely Angus Sinclair explained the Speaker was prone to ‘over the top anger’ and nervously announced he was incapable to conclude whether he was in control, he didn’t stay around to find out. Much of this Bercow trait reminds me of Bret Easton Ellis’s 1991 epic ‘American Psycho’, the protagonist was a serial killer and respectable Manhattan businessman who was obsessed with Phil Collins. In one clip the psycho got decidedly choleric when a businessman had gold leaf lettering on his business card, it was far more superior card than what he possessed. Bercow in response may bang on a table; he’s too short to carelessly swing a four foot chainsaw. Black Rod and Angus Sinclair could be writing their memoirs while staring out at the nostalgia of Westminster, fully aware of their unemployable darkening empyrean. The days are long and lonely when you’re on permanent holiday… video games don’t give you the same kick as a ‘Newsnight’ interview.
Next week Black Rod will recount his time when he last straddled a tall horse and miraculously bumped into old Karl Marx who told him his best-known ‘sayings’ weren’t his sayings at all – albeit, he left Black Rod with this profound thought: ‘piety was the opium of the people.’ Obviously, Bercow disagreed and explosively said: ‘poppycock!’ and including allegedly more strenuous expletives. Indeed, for years Mr Leakey and Bercow agreed to disagree; two very different people with very different backgrounds, perspectives and ideologies, as Bercow staff member stated quite forcefully: “They had fundamental disagreements in 2011 and 2012 but interacted adequately after that.” ----- expect another bullying claim in a couple of years, when another former colleague writes their memoirs. You see an 85,000 GBP super gagging order pay off only goes so far in twenty-first century London Bercow.
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