Our green and unpleasant land

If H G. Wells was alive he’ll be inspired by these political stunts, especially as the clock is ticking and no-one has a time machine to jump into. If only things could get Bettel, because Brexit promised British citizens a better life, away from odd agri-food regulation, American electrical circuits in homes and mindless foreign interference from European federalism and armies. Now Luxembourg’s Bettel mocks Boris Johnson for illustrating Britain’s non-solution to the Irish backstop. Perhaps if Xavier Bettel didn’t show his frustration at the press conference the far Right media would boast, “Look how weak they are, even the invisible man can outperform these foreign imposters.”

Boris Johnson’s invisible debacle is of his own inflammatory egoism of the level of superhero status… why much of the protests were prominently a reaction to Stan Lee’s creation, notably, the incredible hulk simile - in retrospect, it was an incredible gulp, which was a pity. If the PM depicted something of worth that morning in Winston Churchill’s memoirs he’ll frown at the hound of Baskerville heckling and for better or worse splutter out: “where would we be without protest, freedom of speech and diverse concepts, they’re be no London, culture would be drowned out by grumpy old men running souvenir shops just so they can drink Yorkshire tea from Her Majesty’s mug.”

Much has gone wrong with public relations of recent and it’s of the UK government’s doing. If the shoe was on the other foot under the public gaze Boris Johnson would scratch his head and talk at length of the expected promise of grandeur solutions on the Irish backstop, and assumed it was on the menu next to the escargot, salmon and cheeses. Unfortunately the chef pulled the Irish backstop which I was looking forward to trying, if it was too much to eat in one sitting the puppy would’ve happily polished it off. No doubt a hour later I’ll see it again in a steamy heap beside a fireplace - herewith, a civil servant would get the Justin Trudeau polish out. Of course, the nation may pour disparagement at the fact no alternatives were addressed, albeit, I daren’t state scorn would be directed at the one waiting to hear about any options. Grievously in print there are the written expletives such as: ‘bullies’ and ‘lampooners’ in newspapers, orchestrated for the nationalist heartlands.

Second guessing the negotiation timescale is quite simple and the clue is in Bettel’s press conference dialogue, “I told him (Boris Johnson) I hear a lot but don’t read a lot.” This is highly accurate and why credit should go to Bettel on his proficiency of hot air and bluster - ‘style over substance.’ Had he’d been briefed that the UK negotiating team was in the process of sending ‘non-paper papers’ of doodled ideas on the back of a stamp in regards to the Irish backstop? Nope, the Johnson Administration is not backward in going forwards but is having issues in moving at all; henceforth, the backstop. When you get an Englishman to shrug with an upside down smile you’re aware the flummoxed level is at ground zero, if not minus something.

Why I don’t condone Bettel’s limb gesturing during the press conference which media streams had the gumption to call it a humiliation exercise against the UK’s PM, so much so…monsieur Bettel felt incline to show political editor and residential home busy-body Katya Adler around the pokey place, doing a ‘Homes under the Hammer’ Martin Roberts, but instead downplaying the vast space - enough footage for a Brexitcast discussion on a late Thursday night. To cap it all Adam Fleming was in the land of ouzo coming up with one-liners; yep, you get the distinct impression the BBC aren’t taking populism very seriously, or likely have all gone Brexit barmy. Back to the Bettel tour… it included a walk-in cupboard, and a grandeur room occupying a King Henry VIII round-table; certainly not enough room to swing a pregnant elephant in; indeed, altogether unimpressive and unfit for a green superhero.

Science fiction has never been so apt in geo-politics and if anything could’ve been penned for a Marvel production, in-keeping with the firm BeLeaver in Brexit rhetoric. In a last ditch effort to save Blighty from a destructive wrath of its own making, a 585 page doctrine surfaced; for a keen follower of Isolationism it looks decidedly familiar, but in the fast-paced world of British politics with the clock counting down to absolute Armageddon, even the Grieve’s of this solar system ‘just want it signed off’ so he can go back to his vineyard in Barolo to pickle his sorrows. Meanwhile in Blighty the headline reads: “Hulk begins a quest to unite the oppressed population so they could rise up against the dreaded monarch who rules over them.”  Yes, the ninety something year old coffin-dodger has sent a letter of despair to the European Union to revoke Article 50 on grounds that the Hulk frightened her with his complexion while in Balmoral, words such as ‘agitation’ and ‘bluster’ coerced the monarch to sign the prorogation documents faster than estimated. And as a deflective tactic his shirt burst open, unwelcoming for a ninety something monarch to digest. Since the headline got published, regretfully, the plebiscites are protesting with grammatically incorrect slogans.

For our hero to take stock of matters, with seconds remaining, it requires the nation to prepare to become a third country for the purpose of EU legislation – this means total retransformations on infrastructure and facilities that’s recognisably the norm globally on trade. One major problem, this has to be done before triggering Article 50 to set off the countdown. Only the Hulk can save us and the only means is to make parliament into a disgrace so by Halloween constituent representatives will be zombie-like due to getting too overheated on terms of ‘surrender act’ and ‘humbug.’ As you can hear the Farage armies stomping, closing in on Westminster, attired with Guy Fawkes masks and obviously been dressed by Jon Favreau’s costume designer, the Hulk theatrically shoves a document in Farage’s direction… a signed agreement from pre-1914 Cabinet examining the possibility of having a military alliance with France. "Alliance armies on our green and unpleasant land!"


Typical island mentality made Britain feel greater than was humanly conceivable. If H G. Wells was alive, he’ll be inspired by Marvel productions.